The Do’s and Don’ts of Zombie Land.

(no not the film).

When the world ends (because it will) and the dead start to rise (because they will) where will you be? What will you do? Who will you trust?

Never fear, Survival Steve is here to make sure you know all you need to know about the Walking (emphasis added) Dead, and the world to come.

First off, let’s bolster your knowledge, you un-educated civilian.   The first thing you should remember is that, you are a civilian. You will not be running out to your local Wal-Mart to grab 12 shotguns when the shit hits the fan for two reasons:  1) because most other morons will do that, and 2) because thanks to me, you will have a plan.
Secondly, know this: zombies shamble. Always.  Sure maybe one in ten can move in a manner that is something akin to a brisk two-step, but they will not be running at you full speed with super human strength, this is not Left4Dead, this is real-life, and in real-life muscles can only work as well as they reproduce, and dead muscles don’t reproduce, so our zombies will only get weaker.  Do not let this fact make your drop your guard however.  You have one innate weapon against the living dead that will lead you to victory 100% of the time (no it’s not a rocket launcher): your brain.  You get the luxury of thinking, cognitive thought will save your life every time if you use it properly, you are an intelligent human being who can run, climb, build, and decide what to do, zombies cannot.

So what will you do that first day when the plague begins to spread?  Remember we are never where we want to be, and our plan never holds how we want it to, despite all our preparation.  While all the idiots rush to the gun store, and their inevitable doom, you will be collecting the needed supplies.  Below is a list of basic supplies that you MUST have to survive (these are in no particular order, all these supplies will be important at some point, so get them all with equal priority):

-Rope (thick nylon, I would hate to see you fall into a horde of flesh eaters because you got the cheap stuff).
-Pain medication, including the good stuff like morphine and penicillin (use these sparingly on severe wounds).
-A machete, not only can it take a zombie’s limb clean off, it can also cut through foliage, clothing, and open canned food with ease.
-A crowbar, some doors may be locked, you’ll need to get in those (also good for bashing, though it tends to get stuck in skulls).
-An axe, you will need wood.
-Night vision goggles (you should never be moving at night, but if you must, use these to scout).
-AA batteries, for your goggles, use them ONLY for this purpose.
-A first aid kit, alcohol rubs, gauze, splints, antibacterials (it is random cuts and broken bones that often take survivors with no doctors around).
-Iodine and/or purification tablets (for drinking water).
-no less than 35 Chemical light sticks.
-Canned food with an expected consumption rate of 3/per day.
-Battery powered flashlight and a supply of batteries
-Ear plugs (it’s impossible to sleep through the moaning, and we don’t want you going crazy.)

With this gear you are ready to embark on your own zombie survival adventure. (remember: then end of the world is no joke, zombies will eat you, you will die, you will rise again and become a soulless fleasheater yourself. This is the real stuff.)

Coming up next: What to do when i wake up, dawn of the dead is not pleasant IRL.