Aquilonem Computatrum Geek
This North American Computer Geek is characterized by one special strength and one major weakness. He has an affinity for reading and organizing code to create pieces of digital masterpieces. He is commonly referred to as the spider of the geek world (well he calls himself Spider but it doesn’t seem to catch on), crafting a beautiful web. This web however, is not to catch its prey, he will instead craft a website or chunk of software to make more money than his natural predators. Thus keeping him needed and essential to the predators, who, without their websites where you can watch horrible self-produced song parodies and videos of people getting hit in the crotch by various items and in various situations, would not have enough lotion in the world to keep from chaffing themselves into a friction-burn hell.
Even though their natural habitat is multiplying around the globe, with the Mariana Trench like start-up costs for .com money printing operations, the Aquilonem Computatrum Geek is not reproducing at the rate scientists have expected. That is because of their species’ weakness: Anthropophobia. It is a fear of society or other people. Even primates, when forced to choose, will starve themselves to stay with the community. Not so with the computer geek. He seems to reject the natural instinct that every other species on the planet can not: procreation. He rebukes intimacy allowing only superficial relationships that can satisfy the other more primal of his needs:
- Food (for pizza deliveries and the like)
- Shelter (landlords or roommates depending on if his parents charge or not)
- Gaming (you can’t raid by yourself)
Like the spider, this classification of geek is very important to our ecosystem. If the number of Aquilonem Computatrum Geek were to drop even 10% in the next two years we would see an extreme increase in AOL usage, a terrifying decrease of smart phone apps and Facebook would only change its user interface once a week.
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