Mario Bros. Ruined My Family Night
Picture the scene: My wife, five-year-old son, and I are ready to play some Wii for the next couple hours to enjoy “family time” instead of sitting solo with the tv, computer, or phone separately playing or surfing our own content. We start with some dancing games, laughing, having a blast and decide to finish the night with some classic yet modern side-scrolling action. We failed to see that playing Super Mario Bros. for the Wii would make us hate each other by bedtime. Here are the three ways Nintendo intentionally creates division in my family:
1. All Male Characters
My wife always has a fit that the yellow toadstool is the most feminine of them all. Why no Peach? Why no Daisy? This just guarantees we start on the wrong foot with a touchy female player.
2. Collision Detection
“A four player Mario game where we all play at once?! NEATO!” Yeah you think that’s great until you are all jumping off of each other’s heads causing the person on bottom to fall short to their death, pushing each other off of ledges or into lava pits (because SOMEONE can’t lay off the turbo button).
3. Question Mark Boxes
The box is designed to give out a bonus to all-but-one player. Meaning, if you have three players and you are all small, they will give you two mushrooms. If you are all big, they give two flowers and one mushroom. Causing one player to always say “AHHHh! You always get the flowers!” Let’s be real we don’t each get one, they come out in one big pinata explosion. The person who grabs the best power-up usually grabs a couple extra power-ups they don’t even need, because if you don’t grab fast they fly off the edge and no one gets them.
It is most likely the meanest developer trick of all time. Or it could mean that my family has issues and should not play games like this unless the other players are on Ventrilo (real-time voice chat software for group communications used during multiplayer games) or we are unable to speak to them. That way we can hate them and not be bad parents for it.









